I'm Going to Be a Boy Mom

Omg.

Y'all, I walked into the sonogram appointment 98% sure I was having a girl. This pregnancy has been so different than my pregnancy with Edward, so my logical conclusion was that this baby must be of the girl variety. I sat there in the waiting room with the same sense of worry that I had with Edward, "what if I'm disappointed?" I don't think I will be, but what if somewhere deep down in my subconscious I'm sad about the outcome? Now I know plenty of moms who have had this reaction and gone on to have wonderful children whom they love a million times over, but for some reason I was terrified of this feeling.

So when the tech said, "oh yes, that definitely looks like you're having a boy," my initial reaction was surprise.

And then relief.

Relief?

I wasn't expecting that!

About a month ago, Kip and I started talking about baby names. We had a girl's name picked out from our last pregnancy, but we weren't sure about another boy. One day a name popped into my head, a name I've loved since I can remember, but for some reason hadn't considered.  When I suggested it to Kip he loved it.  And while I was certain it was a girl, I started thinking of this boy.  His name rolled around in my head and I quietly started bonding with him. I kept thinking, "if this is a girl, I need to have another one so I can have this boy." I wanted this boy. I needed to have this boy.

And now, I get to have this boy. I was relieved. And I was relieved that I was relieved.

I'm also a bit nervous, if I'm being honest. I'm a "girl's girl." I've never been one of those girls who hangs out with the boys. I don't even really get boys. But maybe that's where Kip comes in. He's a total guy's guy. Until about a year ago, he kept enough sports goods in the trunk of his car to quickly enjoy a pick-up game of whatever. All sorts of balls and clubs and stuff.  He'll be the best "boy dad." He's already the best dad in general.

I think I'm just supposed to be me and love them unconditionally. I'm confident that while I may not be the perfect mom for all boys, I will be the perfect mom for these boys. God sees something in me that is worthy of them.

So Little Robertson, if you ever read this, just know you were wanted from a place deep down in my soul. I have loved you from the moment I first thought of you. You are incredibly special, and I can't wait to meet you.

On a side note: We were planning on using Mae, my grandmother's name, in our girl name. I miss my grandmother so much and was sad I couldn't use the name this time around. When I told my mom our boy name, she told me that was my Grandma's favorite boy name! Of all the names in all the world, I choose her favorite name. I have to wonder, if that day the name popped into my head, if maybe she had a little something to do with it.


In the video below,  Edward did the honors and told the family.  It took about 15 takes for him to finally cooperate.  In an early take, he told the family it was a turtle.